Dearest Clarity
In the last six months my daughter has really shifted. She is so much more independent and so much bigger!!!! She seems more confident in herself and is really exploring and figuring things out, and of course she has a saucy Sk (senior kindergarten) attitude. hahaha! The other day, a mom called it the Ska.
She goes to her dad's now and has a little brother and new step mom and step siblings, her life just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Through it all, she is smiling big and enjoying every minute of it, which is a beautiful thing to watch. That being said, for me its been a different story. I'm so happy she is happy, but at the same time I have this feeling of loss and sadness. Watching her and feeling her grow up and not need me as much is not easy. I am so used to being with her all the time and doing everything together, in a way I always felt like we were one person. This might be the dramatic Italian side of me! lol! but I think it's important to express it.
As I'm writing, I'm realizing how easy it is to shove all our feelings and issues aside as parents and put everything into taking care of our children. In a way I'm realizing that I need to get a life! To be a happy healthy parent we need to have our own hobbies, social life and desires outside of being a parent to our kids. Watching your kids grow up is tough, but I know I need to let go, let her explore, let her feel, let her make mistakes and most importantly, let her fly!
She goes to her dad's now and has a little brother and new step mom and step siblings, her life just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Through it all, she is smiling big and enjoying every minute of it, which is a beautiful thing to watch. That being said, for me its been a different story. I'm so happy she is happy, but at the same time I have this feeling of loss and sadness. Watching her and feeling her grow up and not need me as much is not easy. I am so used to being with her all the time and doing everything together, in a way I always felt like we were one person. This might be the dramatic Italian side of me! lol! but I think it's important to express it.
As I'm writing, I'm realizing how easy it is to shove all our feelings and issues aside as parents and put everything into taking care of our children. In a way I'm realizing that I need to get a life! To be a happy healthy parent we need to have our own hobbies, social life and desires outside of being a parent to our kids. Watching your kids grow up is tough, but I know I need to let go, let her explore, let her feel, let her make mistakes and most importantly, let her fly!
Thanks for sharing from such an authentic place. I can feel the anxiety of having to send my children off with their Dad and new woman in his life...I'm sure she's very nice and quite nice to my children too, but if I'm really honest about it, I'd have to say I feel really vulnerable and insecure. I'm sure this is normal, though it's not necessarily logical. Letting my children see this part of me seem to cause them discomfort and I can tell some sense of guilt or responsibility. Oh, it can get pretty complicated and all too serious. Breathe deeply I say, acknowledge the feelings and then I write in my journal all that I'm grateful for. It really helps shift the overwhelming insecurities. Gratitude is like an antidote, just the right kind of medicine for those overly negative mind thoughts. I urge all to try it, even if at first it feels forced, it will still work.
ReplyDeleteAll the best.