Dearest Clarity,
Everyday I've been trying to keep my home as clean and neat as possible, which isn't easy with kids around. At least once a week, I try to make sure I get at least one important chore or task done, besides the usual day to day stuff. I'm talking about cleaning out a closet, going through my daughters toys or clothes, and getting rid of whatever she doesn't need anymore. Today my daughter and I did just that. It felt so good to declutter and it was a great way to teach her how to be tidy and organized. When we were finished and looked around at our tidy home, I said "Now doesn't that feel good, to sit in a clean home without stuff everywhere?" She agreed "Yes Mommy, it makes me feel really happy!" I started thinking about how much the space I keep is a reflection of my state of mind. When I'm depressed, sad or destructive, my place is a messy disaster. When I'm happy, clear and in a good place mentally and emotionally, my place is tidy and clean. As I'm writing I'm looking around and remembering what my mom always said and still says, A clear space is a clear mind!http://http//www.canadianliving.com/health/mind_and_spirit/6_ways_to_clean_up_your_home_life.php
April 26, 2010
April 22, 2010
Books Books and more Books
One of my best friends gave my daughter a book called Giraffes Can't dance, by Giles Andrede and Guy Parker-Rees. My daughter loves it. I read it to her and two little girls I take care of every week. They think its funny and the message it gives is a great one. It sends a positive message about being an individual. It's ok to be different, you just need to find out who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. It's one of my favourite children's books, one I plan to pass on and I hope you will too!
Enjoy!
April 21, 2010
The best medicine!
Dearest Clarity,
Things have been really stressful for me lately. Ive been working a lot, need to do my taxes, figure out child care for my daughter, cleaning my apartment, paying the bills, the list goes on. Often when I'm stressed and drained , of course my patience runs thin and I'm not the funnest person to be around, so I find my daughter feeds of of that and her behaviour changes. The more stressed, depressed or crazy I am the more difficult my daughter becomes to deal with. Today we kept getting into these ridiculous arguments, I was being so bitchy and she was being so bratty. Finally right before bedtime, I was walking into her room and fell our heads smashed into each other and her glass of water went all over me. We both looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. We laughed hard, like veins popping out of our necks and couldn't breathe hard. When we finally stopped I apologized to my munchkin for acting so crazy and being so snappy. I told her that sometimes I just get really tired, but it's no excuse to treat her that way. She then apologized to me for misbehaving. Then she said to me, "Mommy, who knew laughing could make you feel so much better." In that moment, I realized that I had stopped enjoying my life this week. Laughing is one of my favourite things ever in this world. So I say we all try and have a good laugh with our munchkins or ourselves, at least once a day. It really is the best medicine!
April 15, 2010
It's the little things that count!
Dearest Clarity,
Lately I've been feeling all this anxiety about raising my daughter. Am I teaching her the right things? Will I know what to do when she's a teenager? Am I being a good roll model? I could go on and on and on. I know I'm doing my best but sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. I was talking to another mother today, who also raised her kids on her own. I told her how I was feeling, and she said the best advice she could give me, was to remember that it's the little things that count. So I thought back to the little rules and routines my brother and I had growing up. For example, eating dinner together at the table. A perfect time to check in with each other as a family, to talk about your day and have some quality time. Having to put your dish on the kitchen counter when your finished eating, and for the older kids washing your dish when you're done. Making your bed in the morning, putting your dirty clothes in the hamper when you change, cleaning your room every Saturday. These are all things kids can start doing at a very young age. My daughter is almost five, and these are things that I have started to expect from her in the past year. Also things like thanking the crossing guard when he/she helps you cross the street. Holidays when your kids get lots of new things like birthdays or Christmas, together give some of their old toys or clothes to a shelter or charity. The point is no parent is perfect and trying to do it all on your own is never gonna be easy but making sure you do the little things can make a big difference. These are all things that can help teach our kids to be responsible, respectful and thankful. I want to thank that beautiful mother today for putting things in perspective for me, and reminding me that it's the little things that count!
Lately I've been feeling all this anxiety about raising my daughter. Am I teaching her the right things? Will I know what to do when she's a teenager? Am I being a good roll model? I could go on and on and on. I know I'm doing my best but sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. I was talking to another mother today, who also raised her kids on her own. I told her how I was feeling, and she said the best advice she could give me, was to remember that it's the little things that count. So I thought back to the little rules and routines my brother and I had growing up. For example, eating dinner together at the table. A perfect time to check in with each other as a family, to talk about your day and have some quality time. Having to put your dish on the kitchen counter when your finished eating, and for the older kids washing your dish when you're done. Making your bed in the morning, putting your dirty clothes in the hamper when you change, cleaning your room every Saturday. These are all things kids can start doing at a very young age. My daughter is almost five, and these are things that I have started to expect from her in the past year. Also things like thanking the crossing guard when he/she helps you cross the street. Holidays when your kids get lots of new things like birthdays or Christmas, together give some of their old toys or clothes to a shelter or charity. The point is no parent is perfect and trying to do it all on your own is never gonna be easy but making sure you do the little things can make a big difference. These are all things that can help teach our kids to be responsible, respectful and thankful. I want to thank that beautiful mother today for putting things in perspective for me, and reminding me that it's the little things that count!
Dealing with grief
My mom told me about this video today. She saw it on television last night, and thought it was really great. I just watched it and I agree. Talking to our children about loss and death is never an easy task, and I think this video has some great ideas on how to deal with the subject. I think it can be useful even if a parent hasn't passed away but is just absent for whatever reason. If you have some time give it a try and hopefully you will get something out of it.
April 10, 2010
Today is a hard one!
Dearest Clarity,
Every once and a while, especially around holidays, birthdays or any big events (her 1st loose toof!) I really feel so sad about my daughter not having a father around and for me not having somebody. As much as I love it just being me and my munchkin, I crave having a man around, someone to make dinner with, laugh at my munchkins silly questions. Someone to to cuddle on the couch with after putting her to bed, someone to create another child with so my baby can have the brother or sister she wants so badly. Someone to explore with, make mistakes with and learn new things with. The hardest part about wanting this, is that I know my daughter wants it even more. I try my best to be positive and believe it will happen if it's meant to happen, but some days are harder than others, and today is a hard one. The one thing i realized though while writing this, is that for the first time I can honestly say, I hope I meet someone not because I need to but because I want to!
April 8, 2010
FOLLOW THROUGH!
Dearest Clarity,
With the nice weather here, my daughter and I have been out and about, and around more kids and their caregivers. I have noticed how many kids of all different ages don't listen to their parents. They simply could care less, when their parents say no or stop. The other day I heard a father say to his son, if I have to tell you to stop one more time we are leaving. Sure enough the father had to tell him to stop what he was doing again, but did they leave? No. If you tell your child something you need to follow through or they wont take you seriously. If you say you are gonna leave you have to leave. If you say one more time and no television, then there needs to be no television. I hear and see so many parents doing this all the time. I used to do it with my daughter until my mom pointed it out to me a few years ago, and when I stopped and started following through, my daughter started respecting me more and listened because she knew I was serious. If I count to three my child usually stops by two, sometimes even one now. I think as single parents this can be especially hard because you are the only one doing the disciplining and everything else. Single parents often feel sorry for their kids so they think they need to give them a break, but in the end it only makes things worse, for you and them. They need to know who is in charge and that discipline has nothing to do with being mean or not loving them, it's just the opposite. Kids are very smart and masters at manipulating, give them an inch and they will take a mile. So let's love our kids by respecting them and ourselves and lets FOLLOW THROUGH!
"If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
"I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." hahahaha!
-Bill Cosby
With the nice weather here, my daughter and I have been out and about, and around more kids and their caregivers. I have noticed how many kids of all different ages don't listen to their parents. They simply could care less, when their parents say no or stop. The other day I heard a father say to his son, if I have to tell you to stop one more time we are leaving. Sure enough the father had to tell him to stop what he was doing again, but did they leave? No. If you tell your child something you need to follow through or they wont take you seriously. If you say you are gonna leave you have to leave. If you say one more time and no television, then there needs to be no television. I hear and see so many parents doing this all the time. I used to do it with my daughter until my mom pointed it out to me a few years ago, and when I stopped and started following through, my daughter started respecting me more and listened because she knew I was serious. If I count to three my child usually stops by two, sometimes even one now. I think as single parents this can be especially hard because you are the only one doing the disciplining and everything else. Single parents often feel sorry for their kids so they think they need to give them a break, but in the end it only makes things worse, for you and them. They need to know who is in charge and that discipline has nothing to do with being mean or not loving them, it's just the opposite. Kids are very smart and masters at manipulating, give them an inch and they will take a mile. So let's love our kids by respecting them and ourselves and lets FOLLOW THROUGH!
"If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
"I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." hahahaha!
-Bill Cosby
April 7, 2010
Tooth Fairy!
YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! My munchkin just lost her first tooth! We were just sitting there talking and pop it came out. She was sooooooo excited, it was amazing! I'm so happy I was there to see it, and now I get to be the Tooth Fairy!
April 6, 2010
LEMONADE FOR SALE!!!!
Some good friends of mine, or should I say famiglia :) had a garage sale last weekend, and asked my munchkin if she wanted to have a lemonade stand. Of course she thought it was a fabulous idea, so we set her up with a table, a sign, lemonade and a plate of cookies. At first she was shy and we had to help her out. We showed her how to pour the lemonade, put the money in a cup and reminded her to say thank you and your welcome! Towards the end she was yelling PINK LEMONADE FOR SALE! talking to people and saying thank you on her own. She ended up making twelve dollars and was sooo proud of herself, especially because to her that's like one million dollars. It was fun and a great way to teach her how money is made. She also learnt about saving money, by putting some of it in her piggy bank and without me knowing, how to give, by buying me a yummy tulip cookie for Easter. I was reminded of what a great summer activity it is for our SUPER MUNCHKINS!
THE UNKNOWN
Dearest Clarity,
After everything I went through with my daughters father before he decided to disappear, I find myself still dealing with the anxiety and fear of our arguments, misunderstandings, disappointment's and disagreements. When I say fear I'm not talking about being scared of him hurting me physically, I'm just talking about the torment of going through him not showing up, or him arguing with my every move and decision. Towards the end when it got really bad and intense between us, I felt the worst feelings I have ever felt. Every once and a while that anxiety and fear comes back. Not knowing if he will ever call again or show up again. Not knowing if he will ever want to come back and be a father to his beautiful daughter. The unknowings of it all can be so overwhelming. Will we see him walking down the street? Will we never see him again? Sometimes when my phone or doorbell rings my heart jumps. Then I start to think, what if he does come back around, what will I do? How will I handle it? How will it affect my daughter? and what if she blames me. When I start feeling this way, which is often, I just try to breathe through it and tell myself everything will be ok. I talk to friends, family or write in my journal. At the end of the day though all of these fears and anxiety of the unknown is always there, I just pray that I can get to a place where I don't feel this way anymore, or at least it can't get in the way of me living a happy, peaceful life. I guess I just need to somehow accept that I can't do anything about it. I can just be the best woman and mother I can be, and be positive and hope for the best for everyone involved.
After everything I went through with my daughters father before he decided to disappear, I find myself still dealing with the anxiety and fear of our arguments, misunderstandings, disappointment's and disagreements. When I say fear I'm not talking about being scared of him hurting me physically, I'm just talking about the torment of going through him not showing up, or him arguing with my every move and decision. Towards the end when it got really bad and intense between us, I felt the worst feelings I have ever felt. Every once and a while that anxiety and fear comes back. Not knowing if he will ever call again or show up again. Not knowing if he will ever want to come back and be a father to his beautiful daughter. The unknowings of it all can be so overwhelming. Will we see him walking down the street? Will we never see him again? Sometimes when my phone or doorbell rings my heart jumps. Then I start to think, what if he does come back around, what will I do? How will I handle it? How will it affect my daughter? and what if she blames me. When I start feeling this way, which is often, I just try to breathe through it and tell myself everything will be ok. I talk to friends, family or write in my journal. At the end of the day though all of these fears and anxiety of the unknown is always there, I just pray that I can get to a place where I don't feel this way anymore, or at least it can't get in the way of me living a happy, peaceful life. I guess I just need to somehow accept that I can't do anything about it. I can just be the best woman and mother I can be, and be positive and hope for the best for everyone involved.
April 5, 2010
April 1, 2010
ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
The beautiful weather is here!!!!!! You think I would be jumping up and getting outside but instead I am sooooooooooo tired! Feeling drained from all the work of life. One of those days, I guess. My dad is taking My munchkin to the park thankfully, so I'm gonna grab a coffee and go for a walk. Hopefully it will wake me up and give me some energy to enjoy life, be thankful for it and not look at everything as work!
GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!
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