It'll Just Grow Back

Dearest Clarity,
My daughters hair has always been her thing.  Meaning it's always been something everyone admired about her.  She loved having long hair, and I can't lie so did I.  It was beautiful, but it was also a lot of work. Especially with the summer months ahead, filled with swimming and hot, sweaty days.  So we decided it was time to cut it.  Nothing crazy, just about to her shoulders.  When we got to my lovely friend Eva's, who is an amazing hairdresser by the way http://evatheresestudios.blogspot.com/ we both looked at each other and pretty much at the same time said, "we could donate her hair if we cut a bit more".  It was one of those moments when you can just feel that it's the right thing to do.  

So I looked at my baby and asked her what she thought about going a bit shorter.  We straightened the part that we were going to donate, which was about 10 inches and showed her where we were gonna cut.  I explained to her that her hair would be going to a child who was sick, and not able to grow their hair.  After cutely asking why those kids don't just plant a seed on their heads to grow hair, it took her a few minutes but she agreed.  I could tell that she was a bit hesitant, but I kept telling her don't worry it'll just grow back.


When it was all done and I saw the two braids of hair that were gonna be given to a beautiful child in need, it warmed my heart.  I am so proud of my little girl,  and although she doesn't quite understand what she's done, one day she will and I think she will be just as proud.


In case you are interested in donating here are some links you might want to check out.


http://www.locksoflove.org/
http://www.achildsvoicefoundation.com/

Acceptance

Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.
This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.
                                                          -Steve Pavlina

Acceptance Is a Beautiful Thing

Dearest Clarity,
 There is nothing worse than having to watch your child be let down, sad or heartbroken.   My daughter is still getting used to seeing her dad and it's still a hard thing for her to rap her head around.  It's been a little less than a year now that she started seeing him once every two weeks.  A few days before she has to go, she usually gets some anxiety and becomes very attached to me.  Now that I've noticed the pattern I really try to be available for her those few days before, and just remind her that she is safe, and loved and that I am there for her.  

The other night when all of this started happening, we were talking before bed and I was telling her how proud I am of her, for how well she has been doing with her new bedtime routine.  She then said to me that she thinks that I am the only one that is proud of her.  Oh my God! My heart nearly fell to the ground.  I asked how she could say that when soooooo many people are in her life who love her and are always there for her, cheering her on.  I thought to myself, how could she possibly feel this way!  Then I realized what it was really about.  See, when kids are this young they can't always pin point exactly what they are feeling and why, so they will sort of just say it the best they know how, which a lot of the time it isn't actually what it is.  

I had noticed lately that her dad rarely ever calls between the two weeks that he sees her, and I had been thinking about how to approach him about it.  I asked her if she felt that her dad was proud of her and she said no.  She got really emotional and started saying that he lies to her because he says he's gonna call all the time and he doesn't, and that it makes her really sad and hurts her feelings.  "Of course it does" I said.  After our talk, I calmed her down and reassured her that I would speak to him and that he loved her and not to worry.  

After she fell asleep, I phoned my mother and told her what was going on.  I just started venting on the phone.  Do I yell at him? Do I kill him? (joking)  Do I not say anything and leave it alone? What do I do?  Through talking to her I  realized that we can't always save our kids.  Sometimes the truth or the reality of life is what we need to help them with.  If I were to talk to him about it, he would probably call for a few weeks and then stop again.  So I would have put a band aid on it, but then she would just have the same feeling of sadness and heartbreak all over again.  

One of the hardest things in life is to let go and to accept what is.  This morning during breakfast I brought it up to my daughter again, and I held her in my arms and said baby I love you, and I'm sorry that you are going through this but you can't let it take you down.  Your father loves you but for some reason is not capable of fully being there for you.  It sucks and it hurts but you have to accept who he is, forgive him and let it go.  It will take time and it will be so hard but you have to, because we can't change people, they are who they are, and if you don't, you will continue to feel let down by him.  When he makes promises, don't take them seriously. Protect yourself by being honest and aware of what is real.  

I think kids sometimes make up these fantasies about what an absent parent is like.  They create this person that doesn't exist based on everything they would dream of them being, and when they realize that isn't who they are, it's a real let down.  It was a tough pill for her to swallow but amazingly enough I know she understood me, and I knew that she agreed with what I was saying.  She never ceases to amaze me. I love her so much and I am so proud of what a strong, brave little munchkin she is.   Acceptance is a beautiful thing, a beautiful thing that will set you free!