Dearest Clarity,
With the nice weather here, my daughter and I have been out and about, and around more kids and their caregivers. I have noticed how many kids of all different ages don't listen to their parents. They simply could care less, when their parents say no or stop. The other day I heard a father say to his son, if I have to tell you to stop one more time we are leaving. Sure enough the father had to tell him to stop what he was doing again, but did they leave? No. If you tell your child something you need to follow through or they wont take you seriously. If you say you are gonna leave you have to leave. If you say one more time and no television, then there needs to be no television. I hear and see so many parents doing this all the time. I used to do it with my daughter until my mom pointed it out to me a few years ago, and when I stopped and started following through, my daughter started respecting me more and listened because she knew I was serious. If I count to three my child usually stops by two, sometimes even one now. I think as single parents this can be especially hard because you are the only one doing the disciplining and everything else. Single parents often feel sorry for their kids so they think they need to give them a break, but in the end it only makes things worse, for you and them. They need to know who is in charge and that discipline has nothing to do with being mean or not loving them, it's just the opposite. Kids are very smart and masters at manipulating, give them an inch and they will take a mile. So let's love our kids by respecting them and ourselves and lets FOLLOW THROUGH!
"If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
"I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." hahahaha!
-Bill Cosby
My son has gone through so much inconsistencies with rules, and schedules since he occasional stays at his grandparents and dad’s, and I find that when he returns from these visits…I have to retrain him all over again. So laying down the law lasts such a short time for us, and I’m always having to start from scratch. It’s like I hardly recognize him during the first 2 days back from a visit, but then after a while I will I noticed a difference: when I say something, my son knows there is a consequence, and will begin to obey and respect me however, this only lasts a short period of time!!!
ReplyDeleteMy son was also diagnosed with a condition called ASD. This effects his social development, and for him if effected more of his attention span, communication, and emotional responses. In the past 3 yrs I’ve been dealing with learning about this condition trying to get his family to understand and ACCEPT it, and learn how to set rules and limits that he could understand. What works with consist behaviors for most kids, does not work with my son. I’ve had several assessments done, and have had multiple meetings with his caregivers, and have sat in on parenting group…yet no two kids with this condition are the same. And I am still struggling to get his to listen to me…to take me seriously. I literally have to be right in his face for him to see that I am talking directly to him….and It exhausting, and it’s impossible for me to do this every time I need him to listen.
And when I take him to the park, and end up being one of those parents who have to tell their kid over and over again to stop doing something…I know what it looks like…but I take him anyway because he loves it. But honestly, I usually end up crying alone in the bathroom when we get home.
I know what to do, and how to do it, and have done it…but it doesn’t last with my son.
Tara,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean with them being different kids when they come home. When my daughter used to go to her Father's it was the same way. I also understand dealing with kids with ASD not as a parent, which I can only imagine is that much more intense, but as a worker. You are right that everyone of them is different in their behaviours and what they need. I can't imagine how stressful it is, and that is why you can only do your best. Also let me be clear that I don't look down on any parents but there are situations where it's very obvious that the child is getting away with murder, for whatever reason. I just wanted to give a tip that worked for me as far as our children respecting us more as parents and taking us seriously. It wont work for everyone of course, because everyone's child and situation is different, but if it works for someone then I've done my job.
The reason why I'm still kind of spoiled is because I usually always got what I wanted. Learn from me Molly. If you can guess who I am...
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning, god created adam and out of his rib he created eve. He cast them into the garden of Eden to frolick in his greatness. The tree of knowledge stood in the garden and God said under threat of death and they should not eat from this tree. Tempted by the snake eve ate from the tree... BUT, God did not miracle them out of existence; he did not follow through with his threat and thus Mankind has been cursed ever since.
ReplyDeletehahahahaha to both of you! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteMy struggle that i am trying to overcome is dealing with the fact that my daughter will not grow up with her biological mother and biological father. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who has been in my daughter's life since she was six months old, but i always feel like i failed by bringing my daughter into a broken home. I have just recently realized that the decision to break the family was not mine, but i just need some advice on exactly how to overcome the fact that i am not a failure.
ReplyDeleteI know how hard it can be to raise a child without their biological father around, it sucks. As much as it sucks she still has you, and it sounds like she has your boyfriend too. Biology doesnt make you a parent. Loving your child, feeding them, clothing them, bringing them to soccer and tucking them in, those are the things that make you a parent. You're not a failure, you can't be responsible for his decision to be absent, you can only be responsible for yourself. I don't even believe in the word failure. People may look back a day later or years later and feel they made a mistake or could have done better, but in that moment you did the best you knew how. You need to focus on your acomplishments, being a good mother and enjoy every second you can with your beautiful daughter. It sounds silly but say it to yourself over and over every morning when you wake up, I love myself, I am beautful and I am worth it. You have to try and be positive, forgive yourself. Do what you would tell your daughetr to do if she felt the same way. I hope you can take something from what Iv'e written. Thank you for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteTalk to you soon!
Molly