Dearest Clarity,
Every once and a while, especially around holidays, birthdays or any big events (her 1st loose toof!) I really feel so sad about my daughter not having a father around and for me not having somebody. As much as I love it just being me and my munchkin, I crave having a man around, someone to make dinner with, laugh at my munchkins silly questions. Someone to to cuddle on the couch with after putting her to bed, someone to create another child with so my baby can have the brother or sister she wants so badly. Someone to explore with, make mistakes with and learn new things with. The hardest part about wanting this, is that I know my daughter wants it even more. I try my best to be positive and believe it will happen if it's meant to happen, but some days are harder than others, and today is a hard one. The one thing i realized though while writing this, is that for the first time I can honestly say, I hope I meet someone not because I need to but because I want to!
Dear Molly,
ReplyDeleteThe best part of your article, Today is a hard one!", is the shift from poor me thinking which includes the down trodden feelings around being alone and feeling totally needy, to the uplifting and hopeful thought that you can act on what you want. Who knew? that this simple shift in our perception could also shift us into a becoming more self empowered. We become our own Hero.
One more thing I want to share with you and your readers that I haven't yet heard, yet in my own life has been the greatest help in my aloneness, is the understanding that I am not ever really alone and that I am always loved. That it is being alone, turning off the TV and simply Being in whatever I am feeling and accepting the moment for what it holds, no matter what the life circumstance I find myself in, I am met by a most beautiful, loving presence. I know this may sound "oh so simplistic to be attainable, but it is not. This beautiful, loving and accepting presence is there for all. It begins with the kind of shift in thought from "I need" to "what do I want", that you have described in your article. That shift in thought is what most find difficult...but I urge you all to try it.
Thanks once again Molly for sharing your wisdom and spreading hope.
Happy Queen
Wowzah…..You basically put all the word in my mouth by being so honest, genuine and pure with your feelings. I find myself sitting alone ALOT not knowing what the heck is wrong with me and, thinking why am I so sad most of the time?? You’ve helped me to understand these feelings of sadness are really just me being lonely, especially on the “Big Days” and “Milestones”.
ReplyDeleteI keep looking back thinking, how did this happen? And although I would really love to be with someone to share a life with I don’t know if I can…..I’m like this empty shell, trying to raise my lil guy into a Man!!!?? It’s a trust thing I guess….I’m still working on getting to that better head space, and I will get there darn it!!!
I’m lucky in the sense that I don’t have the pressure from my son for me/us to have a man around. And I guess I should be grateful that he’s content with just two of us as our little family. Having these wants on your own terms is one thing, but knowing your child wants the same and if not more must be so hard, I can’t even imagine what that feels like!!!
Thank you for sharing this...it’s refreshing to know I’m not alone with these thoughts that are jogging in my brain!!
Dear Molly
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. I remember all those feelings very well.
Make a card and write down all the qualities you want in the person of your dreams. Be very specific. Draw a picture or symbol (like a heart) and put it somewhere you can see it. Every time you look at it SMILE AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE PUT YOUR ORDER IN TO THE UNIVERSE.
MAGIC HAPPENS.
LOL
ISABELLA