Dearest Clarity,
Dealing with having an absent parent is not easy for children, especially when they remember them once being there. As much as I wish my daughter would just forget him, I know that's just not reality. I'm sure with time, as she grows and matures it will become easier for her to understand and deal with. In the meantime, I feel that it is up to me to help guide her and give her different tools to deal with this hurtful and difficult situation she's been given. As I tell her all the time, I know she will be OK and I know she has the strength and courage to get through this and move on, but for a four year old it can be a lot to deal with.
She has recently started to get rid of anything in her room that reminds her of her dad. Pictures, books, toys, anything that he had given her. She brought them to me and told me that she doesn't want them in her room but she also doesn't want me to throw them out. She said every time she is in her room she gets sad because she sees these things and thinks of him. So I took the books and toys and put them in a safe place, and if she ever wants them she can ask me for them. I then decided that it would be a good idea to have her make a special box for herself, where she can keep any pictures of him or anything to do with anything that is personal and special to her. So I took an old shoe box got some paint, stickers and markers and gave them to her, so she could create this special box for herself. I sat with her while she made it and we ended up having a great conversation about what the box meant to her, and how she was happy she was going to have her own special place to put her special things. A piece of my heart breaks every time I see my daughter feeling depressed or crying about her dad. No little munchkin deserves to have someone abandon them like that, but when I look at her and see her strength and what a beautiful, smart, caring girl she is turning out to be, my heart heals and I smile. I believe in her, I love her and I am so thankful for her!
She has recently started to get rid of anything in her room that reminds her of her dad. Pictures, books, toys, anything that he had given her. She brought them to me and told me that she doesn't want them in her room but she also doesn't want me to throw them out. She said every time she is in her room she gets sad because she sees these things and thinks of him. So I took the books and toys and put them in a safe place, and if she ever wants them she can ask me for them. I then decided that it would be a good idea to have her make a special box for herself, where she can keep any pictures of him or anything to do with anything that is personal and special to her. So I took an old shoe box got some paint, stickers and markers and gave them to her, so she could create this special box for herself. I sat with her while she made it and we ended up having a great conversation about what the box meant to her, and how she was happy she was going to have her own special place to put her special things. A piece of my heart breaks every time I see my daughter feeling depressed or crying about her dad. No little munchkin deserves to have someone abandon them like that, but when I look at her and see her strength and what a beautiful, smart, caring girl she is turning out to be, my heart heals and I smile. I believe in her, I love her and I am so thankful for her!
Hi Molly,
ReplyDeleteIt is so important to validate the little one's feelings, (and ours too). You do so loving and with kindness and Clarity will take these qualities with her into other relationships ...a pass it forward kind of gesture. Yes, the activity of making a "heart box" is honouring of the gifts of love, yet it also seemed to mark a shift in this process with her father of acceptance, letting go with love and hopefully moving on.
Thanks for sharing this one with us.
Sunshine
I commend you for doing this with her, for her and for yourself. It’s so easy to not talk about the painful things, because if you don’t talk about it then it doesn’t exist and you don’t have to deal with it however, it takes courage to face it!! And you sure have a lot of courage to do this along side her. I didn’t do much talking with my son about his father….I didn’t think I had to since he still sees him every so often. To be honest, it’s hard for me to talk about him without a tone of anger in my voice. And since reading this, I’m a bit worried what message my son may be getting from me. Thank you for sharing this special storey, it’s inspired me to take a step back and look at life from my son’s perspective.
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