It's crazy how much you can learn about yourself when you take a step back. I've magically had the week off and I've been spending most of my time alone and at home, just doing simple things. This has given me the opportunity to do a lot of reflecting on my habits and behavior. The more stressed I get and the more tired I am, the more chaotic and bad my decisions seem to get. For example, instead of going to bed earlier, I stay up later. Instead of taking a soothing bath, I drink a glass of wine. Instead of feeding my soul by painting, I watch t.v., and the worse one of all is instead of having a relaxing night in, I want to go out till all hours of the night partying it up with my friends, forgetting the hell I will feel and be in the next day.
This week I tried something new. I haven't gone out on the town, I haven't numbed myself with wine and I haven't stayed up all night watching mindless t.v. Instead I've been going to bed early. I've been painting, cleaning, enjoying a cup of tea, taking baths and taking a step back. A step back to enjoy the things I have, make healthy decisions and do things that will feed me, make me stronger and enrich my life. It's the simple things we need that we forget. The simple things that can get lost in all the chaos.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
October 27, 2011
February 16, 2011
OUR LOWEST POINTS ARE OUR BIGGEST LESSONS
Dearest Clarity,
Since I've started school things have just been crazy!!!! Trying to juggle readings and assignments, taking care of my daughter, trying to find her childcare and all the rest of life's challenges, it's been pure chaos!
Throughout this whole time I've slowly started to feel myself get weaker and weaker. My body started aching, no matter how much sleep I got, I was still tired. I had no patience left, and my overall love for life just started slipping away. So last week the universe or maybe myself decided that things needed to change. I ended up having an unexpected surgery along with other health issues and I am still recovering. It has been very painful and difficult, but at the same time its given me a chance to stop, think and reflect. Why did this happen to me?
This whole week I have struggled with having to be still and not having the ability to get up and go go go like usual. I've realized that that is how I numb myself from feeling. I don't have to face myself and my thoughts and feelings, if I don't ever stop. I never take time to sit or lie down in silence, only when I'm completely exhausted and just pass out. It's almost like a foreign concept to me. When I'm stressed, tired or upset I grab a glass of wine, or go out with friends, put the t.v on, anything but be still or quiet.
I've also realized through conversation with my mother and writing in my journal, that this happened so that I would wake up. Wake up and see that I am not acknowledging me. I'm a nervous wreck! Is it possible that it is that hard for me to be still? I've neglected myself to the point that my body is shutting down? That's crazy! I felt so many different emotions when I realized this, and I thought how did I get here?
Through this I have truly come to believe that our lowest points are our biggest lessons and our most precious gifts, if we use them. I have spent the last week eating as much nutritious food as possible, taking as many vitamins as possible and resting as much as possible. I'm trying to build my strength up and get back to the me I know and love, with some fine tuning! :)
The hardest part has been trying to take some time to be still, check in with myself. My goal is to write every night and meditate for at least 5-10 min every morning. Sounds so easy, right? Well if you are reading this post and can relate to it in any way, I challenge you. I challenge you to sit still, in silence for 5-10 minutes. I challenge you because I am seeing how important it is, and how much you can gain from being there for yourself, listening to what is going on in your mind, body and soul.
I dedicate this one to my Happy Queen!
Since I've started school things have just been crazy!!!! Trying to juggle readings and assignments, taking care of my daughter, trying to find her childcare and all the rest of life's challenges, it's been pure chaos!
Throughout this whole time I've slowly started to feel myself get weaker and weaker. My body started aching, no matter how much sleep I got, I was still tired. I had no patience left, and my overall love for life just started slipping away. So last week the universe or maybe myself decided that things needed to change. I ended up having an unexpected surgery along with other health issues and I am still recovering. It has been very painful and difficult, but at the same time its given me a chance to stop, think and reflect. Why did this happen to me?
This whole week I have struggled with having to be still and not having the ability to get up and go go go like usual. I've realized that that is how I numb myself from feeling. I don't have to face myself and my thoughts and feelings, if I don't ever stop. I never take time to sit or lie down in silence, only when I'm completely exhausted and just pass out. It's almost like a foreign concept to me. When I'm stressed, tired or upset I grab a glass of wine, or go out with friends, put the t.v on, anything but be still or quiet.
I've also realized through conversation with my mother and writing in my journal, that this happened so that I would wake up. Wake up and see that I am not acknowledging me. I'm a nervous wreck! Is it possible that it is that hard for me to be still? I've neglected myself to the point that my body is shutting down? That's crazy! I felt so many different emotions when I realized this, and I thought how did I get here?
Through this I have truly come to believe that our lowest points are our biggest lessons and our most precious gifts, if we use them. I have spent the last week eating as much nutritious food as possible, taking as many vitamins as possible and resting as much as possible. I'm trying to build my strength up and get back to the me I know and love, with some fine tuning! :)
The hardest part has been trying to take some time to be still, check in with myself. My goal is to write every night and meditate for at least 5-10 min every morning. Sounds so easy, right? Well if you are reading this post and can relate to it in any way, I challenge you. I challenge you to sit still, in silence for 5-10 minutes. I challenge you because I am seeing how important it is, and how much you can gain from being there for yourself, listening to what is going on in your mind, body and soul.
I dedicate this one to my Happy Queen!
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