Super Munchkins

Dearest Clarity,

It has been about a year now since my daughter has seen her father and through out this year I have been struggling with how I talk to her about it. I couldn't handle seeing her so upset and confused anymore so I thought what do I say? Do I tell her the truth? Do I lie to protect her? After speaking to other mother's who had to deal with the same dilemma, my own mother, my friends who came from single parent homes and from reading many books; I started to write a list of what stuck out the most from what they all told me. Up to this point I had just been telling my daughter that he was away but it just wasn't working anymore because of course as they prove over and over again these little munchkins, they are so much smarter and stronger than we think. I decided I needed to tell her the truth but I had to do it very carefully, with a lot of love and strength. She deserved the truth. 

So the next time she had her weekly release about her dad I took a deep breath and told her. I told her that her dad loves her and it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with her. I told her that her dad unfortunately just couldn't handle what life had thrown at him and that we needed to pray for him and respect that that is all he can do. I also said that I don't agree with his decisions and that she had every right to be sad and angry and that I was so so so sorry that she has to deal with this but again it wasn't her fault. I then reminded her of all the amazing people she has in her life and how much they love her. Most importantly I told her to let out her sadness and that I would be there to hold her and support her but once she released she needed to stand up straight and go live her life with a smile on her face because it can always be worse, and she can't let this bring her down. She can still do anything she wants and be anything she wants. Not to use this as a crutch or an excuse. Don't be a victim. You are strong you are beautiful and you will be OK.

Whether or not this was the right way to go about it, I don't know but what I do know is she has been so much better ever since that day I told her the truth. She was hurt, and boy did she cry but she stopped looking so depressed and it felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and from that day on she has come to me and started conversations about it. I believe it's because she felt like she could trust me to be honest and trust me to be there for her. Yes I know she is only four but like I said, these little munchkins are so much smarter and stronger than we think.

They are super munchkins!

It is an on going struggle and a conversation that will continue to change and grow but being able to communicate with my daughter and sitting there and having those real moments is what life is all about. So I send out all of my love and support to all the single parents out there dealing with this, it's tough but just breathe follow your heart and believe in you and your child cause you are strong enough to get through this.

If anyone has any advice on how they dealt with this issue or a similar one I would love to hear it! Every child is different and every situation is different so hearing different opinions and examples can be such a great help.

My Angel

My mom has always said to me that when you want to tell someone something or you want to hope for something but can't necessarily tell that person for whatever reason, maybe they wont understand or you don't have the courage, you write a letter. You put it somewhere special and maybe one day you will give it to them or maybe you wont, but it is a way to release what you are feeling and a way to send those feelings and thoughts you have to them energetically. Today I felt like I wanted to tell my daughter so many things, my hopes and dreams for her and how much I love her but of course at 4 I knew she probably wouldn't quite get it so......... I wrote.

Dearest Clarity
I wish that you fully love who you are and everything that you are.
That you embrace being a woman, love being a woman and see the power and beauty in being a woman.
You feel honoured and comfortable in your own beautiful skin.
You live your life to the fullest.
You see everything you dream of seeing.
You do everything you dream of doing.
Be everything you want to be.
You are the most precious and beautiful gift I have ever received in my life. You have taught me more than I could have ever imagined, and you have brought such joy, love and laughter into my life. In a way I feel like you have gave birth to me because I have never felt more alive and whole as a person. You are my everything. I truly love you with all that I am. You are my angel and my inspiration.

My date with The Buddha

Dearest Clarity

So last Saturday I put my daughter to bed, got into my comfy clothes and put in a movie. As I was watching the movie I started thinking, I wish I had someone here with me to share a glass of wine with, someone I could light some candles for and cuddle and enjoy the evening with. I felt depressed and lonely. I shed a few tears and just kept dwelling on how many nights I've spent on my own, wondering when it was gonna end and if I would ever meet anyone again, you know the usual sob story. Then all of a sudden this book I have of sayings of the Buddha, fell off the couch beside me. I picked it up and the page I opened it to said, "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment".

So I grabbed a glass of wine from the bottle I was saving to share with another, I lit the candles I was waiting to light for another and I had a wonderful night with myself. I concentrated on the present moment and made the best of it. I realized I can't change the past and I can't predict the future, so why not enjoy the moment. I deserve it and I enjoyed it and in a way it made me feel a sense of power. If I can be happy and comfortable and feel this good with myself, it will feel even better when I do have that person beside me because I wont NEED him there, I will just WANT him there and that I love.

Cheers!

Punching Pillows

Dearest Clarity,

In the last week I've noticed my daughter misbehaving. She keyed our kitchen table and was purposely not listening to me. Last night when I was getting her ready for bed I saw her pushing all the towels hanging on our railing off onto the ground, this was out of character for her so I took her into the bedroom and asked her what was going on. "Why was she doing these things"? Like most 4 year olds she looked at me and said, "I don't know". So I said, "are you needing some attention about something?" "Are you feeling sad, mad?" She then began to cry and said she was ,"VERY ANGRY". After a long guessing game, she told me that she was angry that her dad doesn't want to see her. I took a deep breath and told her to grab a pillow. I told her to punch that pillow and she did. I then told her while you are punching the pillow say out loud what you are mad about, "LET IT OUT"! So while punching the pillow she yelled "I'm so mad at you daddy that you don't come to see me", she cried and yelled and I began to punch with her, together we let out our anger out ending in laughter while looking at each other flailing at this pillow. When we stopped I then gave her a speech about not doing destructive things when she was upset but to instead let it out in a positive way, whether it is punching a pillow, yelling, dancing, painting or just talking to someone about it.

It was a beautiful and powerful moment for me, to be there with my amazing daughter and see the strength she's had while having to work through these issues, surrounding her father leaving her at the age of 4. It is nothing but amazing! Instead of being sad that my daughter was so upset I was happy because I knew she was working through her feelings, and in my opinion that is the only way to let go and move on.

This is the exact reason I have started this blog. Being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am so thankful that I have been given such support and wisdom from my mother and others, they have helped with the everyday obstacles my daughter and I have endured and now I WANT TO GIVE BACK!

So I invite you all to join me on this journey of single parenting, where we can help each other, teach each other and support each other through it.

It is a tough one but a beautiful one that I am finding can only make me stronger

I look forward to growing with you all!