Once upon a time

Dearest Clarity,
For Christmas this year my daughter Kiki and I tried to make most of the gifts we gave out.  It was a lot of work, but so much fun.  One of the gifts we made, was for a special little boy in our lives.  We decided to put together a story book for him.  Since the day they met Kiki and her friend Kai have bonded over rocks.  They both love searching for rocks and collecting them.  They often find ones that they just have to give to one another, it's too cute!  So Kiki made up a story about her and Kai and a magical rock.  I wrote it down and then she wrote it out and made pictures for each page.  It ended up being a great activity for her to do on and off for at least a month.  It not only gave her an opportunity to make a wonderful gift for someone she loves, it also gave her a chance to be creative, work on her writing skills, use descriptive language and enjoy literacy. We also made a treasure box to go along with the book, for Kai to put his rock collections in.  It was a great gift that brought smiles to all our faces. 

All Natural Skin Cream

My wonderful friend and hairdresser Eva Therese introduced me to this amazing all natural skin cream, made by her uncle Hans Martin.  It's made with olive oil, well water (from Martin's backyard) and beeswax.  I have never found a cream that has left my skin feeling so soft and rejuvenated.  I have very dry skin, especially in the winter and this cream has changed that. I use it on my daughter after her baths as well, especially after a day in the sun.  

I also know people who have used it on their eczema and its really made a difference.  If you are looking for a quality, natural skin cream for you or your little ones, I confidently recommend you pick one up.http://evatheresestudios.blogspot.ca/

A Fathers Solution

http://www.torontolife.com/daily/informer/from-print-edition-informer/2012/03/23/return-of-the-dads-black-daddies-club/
A really great Article worth checking out

Nature Therapy

I had a really rough week. I was angry, tired, agitated, annoyed, resentful, I pretty much just felt awful.  I try to be as positive as I can most of the time, but I have my moments where I just want to give up.  I feel sorry for myself, wonder why this is the life I've chosen, and how I got to this place.  When I feel that way I loose the ability to see the positive and all the wonderful blessings I have in my life.  

On Saturday while I was miserably cleaning my apartment my daughter said, "mom are you going to have a bad day today? "  I stopped and thought, Oh my god! I need to snap out of it, what can I do to feel better and get back on track?  I stopped cleaning, put on my running shoes and went with my daughter for a hike in the park.  As soon as I started walking in the sunshine and took in the fresh air I started to feel better.  There were leaves falling all around us, the crisp air on our faces and sunshine glistening off of all the trees.  It was so beautiful and exactly what I needed.  By the time we got half way through the park I felt energized, inspired and ready to tackle the rest of the day.  I apologized to my daughter for my miserable mood all week and she said, "I think the park is good for you mommy."  

Once again I was reminded how important and therapeutic it is to be in nature.  Not only did it help turn my day around, it gave me a chance to spend some quality time with my baby.  We talked, played in the leaves, walked in silence and the best part was, I got to show my daughter that it's ok to feel like crap and when you do, this is one healthy way to feel better.

Lost in the chaos

It's crazy how much you can learn about yourself when you take a step back.  I've magically had the week off and I've been spending most of my time alone and at home, just doing simple things. This has given me the opportunity to do a lot of reflecting on my habits and behavior.  The more stressed I get and the more tired I am, the more chaotic and bad my decisions seem to get.  For example, instead of going to bed earlier, I stay up later.  Instead of taking a soothing bath, I drink a glass of wine.  Instead of feeding my soul by painting, I watch t.v.,  and the worse one of all is instead of having a relaxing night in, I want to go out till all hours of the night partying it up with my friends, forgetting the hell I will feel and be in the next day. 


This week I tried something new.  I haven't gone out on the town, I haven't numbed myself with wine and I haven't stayed up all night watching mindless t.v.  Instead I've been going to bed early.  I've been painting, cleaning, enjoying a cup of tea, taking baths and taking a step back.  A step back to enjoy the things I have, make healthy decisions and do things that will feed me, make me stronger and enrich my life.  It's the simple things we need that we forget.  The simple things that can get lost in all the chaos. 

Truly You

 I keep trying to figure out why I am stuck in the same place in my life, over and over and over again.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just floating through.  Not feeling or thinking.  Not having a passion or desire.  Not hoping or believing.  Just floating.  Lately I've been reminiscing a lot.  Thinking about my past.  The decisions I've made.  The path I've chosen.  It's easy to just ignore or decide to forget, but it will always come back around eventually. 


I've decided to forget so much in my life, that I actually do forget so much.  Forcing myself to remember, I am having to face alot about who I am, who I was and who I want to be.  As painful as it is to look back, I know in order to look forward I need to face all of who I am and all that has brought me to this moment. When I think of why I've made alot of the choices I've made, the only word that comes to mind is fear.  Fear to succeed.  Fear to stand up for my beliefs.  Fear to be succesful.  Fear to be powerful. Fear to like what I like.  Fear to be me.


It's like I've been fighting my true authentic self my whole life.  Creating this other person.  This person that is so afraid of being herself that she got lost trying to be someone else. Someone who wanted to please people and be who I thought they wanted  me to be. I'ts taken me a long time and a lot of obstacles, heartache and pain to finally see that you can't.  You can't fight your true self, because if you do, you will never truly be where you wanna be, what you wanna be and who you wanna be.  It sounds so crazy, and feels so crazy that it's that hard to just be me, but I think it's actually one of the hardest things we as humans have to do.  With all the outside influences, preassures, misconseptions and impossible standards we set for ourselves and eachother it's so easy to get lost. 


I keep thinking about how I can help my daughter, as she go's through this thing called life.  How can I help her stay true to who she is?  What can I do to support her, to be true to her beliefs, likes and dislikes.  Her hopes and her dreams.  I've realized there is only one thing I can do and that is to show her.  To let go of the guilt I feel for my past mistakes and offroading, and to let go of the fear.  If I show her that my fears can't get in the way of who I am and want to be then I  can become the woman I want her to be.  I can do the things I dream of her doing and I can see what I want her to see.  I was recently told that we as parents often live through our children.  We watch them live out our dreams.  Well, I've decided that I want to live out my dreams with her.

SHINE ON!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AMAZING MUNCHKIN.  I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE IS SIX ALREADY! I WOKE UP FEELING SHOCKED TODAY.  WHERE DID THE PAST SIX YEARS GO??????  AND HOW DID IT GET HERE SO FAST??? I AM SO PROUD OF THE LITTLE LADY SHE IS BECOMING, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO CONTINUE TO WATCH HER GROW AND BLOSSOM.  MY JOURNEY HAS BEEN SO MUCH RICHER AND BRIGHTER BECAUSE OF HER, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO CONTINUE IT.  SHINE ON MY BABY, SHINE ON!

It'll Just Grow Back

Dearest Clarity,
My daughters hair has always been her thing.  Meaning it's always been something everyone admired about her.  She loved having long hair, and I can't lie so did I.  It was beautiful, but it was also a lot of work. Especially with the summer months ahead, filled with swimming and hot, sweaty days.  So we decided it was time to cut it.  Nothing crazy, just about to her shoulders.  When we got to my lovely friend Eva's, who is an amazing hairdresser by the way http://evatheresestudios.blogspot.com/ we both looked at each other and pretty much at the same time said, "we could donate her hair if we cut a bit more".  It was one of those moments when you can just feel that it's the right thing to do.  

So I looked at my baby and asked her what she thought about going a bit shorter.  We straightened the part that we were going to donate, which was about 10 inches and showed her where we were gonna cut.  I explained to her that her hair would be going to a child who was sick, and not able to grow their hair.  After cutely asking why those kids don't just plant a seed on their heads to grow hair, it took her a few minutes but she agreed.  I could tell that she was a bit hesitant, but I kept telling her don't worry it'll just grow back.


When it was all done and I saw the two braids of hair that were gonna be given to a beautiful child in need, it warmed my heart.  I am so proud of my little girl,  and although she doesn't quite understand what she's done, one day she will and I think she will be just as proud.


In case you are interested in donating here are some links you might want to check out.


http://www.locksoflove.org/
http://www.achildsvoicefoundation.com/

Acceptance

Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.
This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.
                                                          -Steve Pavlina

Acceptance Is a Beautiful Thing

Dearest Clarity,
 There is nothing worse than having to watch your child be let down, sad or heartbroken.   My daughter is still getting used to seeing her dad and it's still a hard thing for her to rap her head around.  It's been a little less than a year now that she started seeing him once every two weeks.  A few days before she has to go, she usually gets some anxiety and becomes very attached to me.  Now that I've noticed the pattern I really try to be available for her those few days before, and just remind her that she is safe, and loved and that I am there for her.  

The other night when all of this started happening, we were talking before bed and I was telling her how proud I am of her, for how well she has been doing with her new bedtime routine.  She then said to me that she thinks that I am the only one that is proud of her.  Oh my God! My heart nearly fell to the ground.  I asked how she could say that when soooooo many people are in her life who love her and are always there for her, cheering her on.  I thought to myself, how could she possibly feel this way!  Then I realized what it was really about.  See, when kids are this young they can't always pin point exactly what they are feeling and why, so they will sort of just say it the best they know how, which a lot of the time it isn't actually what it is.  

I had noticed lately that her dad rarely ever calls between the two weeks that he sees her, and I had been thinking about how to approach him about it.  I asked her if she felt that her dad was proud of her and she said no.  She got really emotional and started saying that he lies to her because he says he's gonna call all the time and he doesn't, and that it makes her really sad and hurts her feelings.  "Of course it does" I said.  After our talk, I calmed her down and reassured her that I would speak to him and that he loved her and not to worry.  

After she fell asleep, I phoned my mother and told her what was going on.  I just started venting on the phone.  Do I yell at him? Do I kill him? (joking)  Do I not say anything and leave it alone? What do I do?  Through talking to her I  realized that we can't always save our kids.  Sometimes the truth or the reality of life is what we need to help them with.  If I were to talk to him about it, he would probably call for a few weeks and then stop again.  So I would have put a band aid on it, but then she would just have the same feeling of sadness and heartbreak all over again.  

One of the hardest things in life is to let go and to accept what is.  This morning during breakfast I brought it up to my daughter again, and I held her in my arms and said baby I love you, and I'm sorry that you are going through this but you can't let it take you down.  Your father loves you but for some reason is not capable of fully being there for you.  It sucks and it hurts but you have to accept who he is, forgive him and let it go.  It will take time and it will be so hard but you have to, because we can't change people, they are who they are, and if you don't, you will continue to feel let down by him.  When he makes promises, don't take them seriously. Protect yourself by being honest and aware of what is real.  

I think kids sometimes make up these fantasies about what an absent parent is like.  They create this person that doesn't exist based on everything they would dream of them being, and when they realize that isn't who they are, it's a real let down.  It was a tough pill for her to swallow but amazingly enough I know she understood me, and I knew that she agreed with what I was saying.  She never ceases to amaze me. I love her so much and I am so proud of what a strong, brave little munchkin she is.   Acceptance is a beautiful thing, a beautiful thing that will set you free!

YOUR GUTS ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND!

Dearest Clarity,

So how do you go about talking to 5 year old's about why they can't run off, or why you need to always be able to see them, or about what a stranger is.  Who is a stranger? What do they look like? When can you or can't you respond to a stranger? Why would a stranger want to hurt us?  These are just some of the billion questions my daughter and her friends have been asking lately.  I was discussing the subject with some parents today and after hearing everyone's stories and point of views, I felt like I knew what I wanted to say to my daughter.  

Ever since I was a little girl I remember always having this voice or feeling inside of me when I felt scared or nervous or uncomfortable.  I call this my gut.  If only I followed my gut feeling more in my life I would have avoided soooooo many wrong turns and decisions.  

I don't want to scare my daughter into thinking everyone is bad or scary, and I don't want her to live in fear, yet I know it's important that she is safe, understands that there are some dangers and ultimately has the courage to follow her gut.  You can't tell them at this young innocent age that there are pedophiles out there, how do you explain that?  It's too much for their young beautiful minds.  They wouldn't get it.  So when we got home from school today we had a talk about following your gut and what that means. I said, "think of a time when one of your friends have said you guys should do something, that you know you're not allowed to do."  "What did you feel like when they did that?"  She said, she felt nervous and a little scared because she didn't want to get into trouble.  I said, "so your gut told you it wasn't a good idea, right?"  She said, "I get it mommy! Your guts are your best friend! " That's right I said, "so if someone or something is ever making your gut feel funny or scared or uncomfortable, then you know it isn't good for you, and you need to get away from them or the situation and get help if you can." 

I wanted to share this cause I think it's a great way to start teaching our children to protect themselves.  They don't have to be scared or paranoid all the time, they just need to be careful, and they need to learn how to listen to themselves and how to trust themselves.  I also think it's a great reminder for us parents to do the same when we are making our many, not always easy parenting decisions.  :)

The Key To Happiness

I just watched this video on my friend Rachel's blog and thought it was really great, so I wanted to share it as well.  If you have some free time you should watch and listen, I think anyone can relate and walk away having gained something positive and meaningful.